So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
