there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
