sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window