I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.