God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets