WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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