sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
