this boner is exhausting
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight