i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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