I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
operation have a gay friend backfired
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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