So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
