if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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