dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
