No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
