I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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