i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
