Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana