just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.