I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
