she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?