OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
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I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
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BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.