OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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