Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
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My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.