if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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