I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
