Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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