I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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