I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
where are my eyebrows?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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