Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
