dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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