he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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