Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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