Just fell off a train. Bad.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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