just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
4 words: hood of his car
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
