A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
