and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
