around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
