I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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