remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
