Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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