I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
