I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
