i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
