so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
