I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
