2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
