This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
