tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
