You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Randomize
