I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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