So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
