Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
