OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
