thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
