i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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