MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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