I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
