can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
