i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
