I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
