I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
