Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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