i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
