I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
