Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
