If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My cat gives me a boner
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
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