Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
