im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
