Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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