why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
