My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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