I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
