I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
