No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
