Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
