dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just made my gag reflex go away.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
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i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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