craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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