My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
