Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
