i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
