Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
