Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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