i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
