dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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