he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
