I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
as a side note pls kill me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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