babies were throwing up all over the place
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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